oh well, this lifeless period was just all about my studies, you, and my family and friends.

nth much and this is basically what my life revolves around now.

each day, i feel more insecure, more doubtful of myself.

so what if i put in efforts in studies? do i get my desired results? am i even improving?

so what if i put in efforts to understand you? do u even feel/see it?

so what if i put in efforts to talk to you everyday, and think of new topics (as if i have a lot of brain cells to spare)? do u even want to talk?

all i get is single word replies which is really making me drained out from just talking to you.

so what if i try to fit in with my friends? i still feel lost and lonely. in AJ, there's no one that really understands me anymore.

yes, i talk, i laugh, i smile. but what's the point? bcos after all, all those emotions are just my facade.

does anyone really see the true me? do they really know what i'm thinking of? do they genuinely think i'm happy?

people change. i change, you change, they change.

nth remains constant.

just bring me back to 2009 when i was happiest, when i was in an environment, truly suitable for myself.

being a big fish in a small pond wasn't easy, but at least to me, it's easier than being a small fish in an ocean.

it's tiring enough to survive, not even to fill my stomach.

all the above words are just my thoughts flowing and i have no intention of structuring it cos it'll just make my mind go blank.

i wonder who ever sees this actually. after all, this is just my ranting space.

if no one sees it, then forget it.

if you are reading this, and u think u understand me (and i know some ppl really do), then i appreciate it a lot.

nth needs to be said, nth needs to be done. i just need to know i'm not alone, and i never will be.