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music of the piano
Tuesday, May 19, 2009 . 8:25 PM
its been long...
long since i felt so helpless.
i didn't want this post to be emo but seems like only negative thoughts are going thru my mind now.
how?
am i really that weak?
im totally worn out now.
as much as i wanted to smile and laugh along, i didn't have the energy to do so.
the past few months, i didn't want to dampen ur spirit, so i chose to keep my smile on for as long as i could.
but now, it is too hard for me.
it dawned upon me that wearing a mask all day long has drained me of all my energy.
in the midst of studies and other commitments, i tried to balance out everything but its really hard.
i noe i shud not be complaining abt things now bcos this is the way i chose it to be.
but then again, if i dun let it out here, whr do i let it out?
i have to vent out somewhr, or i'll go crazy.
so please just pardon me for this time.
im sry to those whom i've been showing attitude to. im truly sry for throwing tantrums at times but sometimes i just need some understanding from u guys. im trying to stop tantrums but by doing so, im losing confidence and commitment to the things im supposed to do...
i noe u all dun like to see my unhappy face cos it just makes the day look even gloomier...
i dunno if u guys are willing to listen to my complaints abt the problems i face, so i chose to keep them to myself. but i realised, im exploding.
exploding of frustration and helplessness.
no matter wad i do and how much i do, it'll nvr be enough to satisfy everyone.
no matter how i behave, someone will always be unhappy with me and pick out all my faults.
can anyone tell me wad to do now?
i totally screwed up my chem and physics mock paper. my english prelims was badly done too..
i can predict that ms kho and mr koh will be coming after me to get me to drop to sub science..
shud i hold on to pure?
till now, i can only secure abt 2 As. how? its not gd enough!!
things are starting to pile up now.
studies, tests, mock papers, chinese 'O' level and stuff,
and prefectorial board, a whole new system in the making, and the lookout for the new exco.
why didn't the new system come earlier? why didn't the planning start earlier? maybe im partially at fault. i've just not been doing my job well enough...
i need a break. just a short one. to clear my mind of all unnecessary thoughts.
someone please give me the nod.